What do we tell our children
Have you ever heard a child phrases like: "I hope you failed," "You still will not work," "Do what I tell you!", "What is the smartest or what?", "And who are you such a softy ? "And how often do you tell them to their children?
The child reacts to the words spoken to him, and their changes under the influence. And if they are repeated over and over again? By the time the little man grows up, the words spoken by us, will be woven into his worldview. Psychologists call such verbal formulas that affect the formation of man, parental directives. Directive - is an implicit order, addressed to the child. Fulfilling it, the child will feel good, but not performing - will experience a sense of guilt. And the reason for guilt, he can not even guess. Let's see what we teach our children in words.
. The first and most powerful directive - is "Do not live." In everyday life, it can be expressed by such phrases as: "I do not need a bad son," "my eyes are used to you not look", "Disappear", "I hope you failed." The implications of this directive - child suggestion of guilt, and it is not related to any specific actions, and with the fact of his birth and presence in this life. The child feels a hindrance to the mother's life and her eternal debtor. Many are the setting for life. This can lead to self-destruction of the unconscious: Frequent illness, injury, alcoholism and drug addiction.
2. The second directive - "Do not be a baby." It is expressed in words like: "It's time to grow up", "What are you like a little?" It is often said the older children in the family. Growing up, children who received the directive, have difficulty expressing their "childhood dreams", with all that is associated with spontaneity, play and creativity. It will be difficult to find a common language with their own children.
3. The third directive is opposite to the sense of the previous one. "Do not go up" - it is often said the only child in the family. Such a directive gives the mother, who fear that their child will grow up and leave the family. Having grown up with such a directive people feel guilty when they begin to manage their own lives. They can be difficult to start your own family, since they are primarily the children of their parents. They feel that they have no right to their own lives.
4. "Do not think." This directive is expressed in appeals to the child "does not try to be clever", "do not argue, and do what you're told," the grown children of the Directive and in fact turns out to be hard to think, to the point that the thought process can cause headaches. They prefer not to work out their opinions, and to follow someone else's someone else, stop trusting themselves ("How could I think such a thing?") Of course, such people can inspire anything to manipulate them for their own purposes.
5. "Do not feel" - This directive can be expressed with respect to both the senses and the sensations. Most often, parents are prohibited anger and fear. "Fear not, little dog will not bite." But the ban emotions themselves do not disappear, they just find another expression. For example, a child ceases to be afraid of dogs, but begins to fear the dark. If the prohibition applies to sensations, it looks something like this: "Put a sweater, freeze," even though the child declares that he is not cold. Gradually, the child ceases to trust your own feelings. Subsequently, it can be expressed, for example, overeating - because the signal that the person is full, he does not feel. This directive also prevents understand and express their feelings.
6. Sixth Directive - "Do not be successful." The child gets it when loving parents expressed disbelief in his ability. "You always spoil everything", "You still will not work." People who have grown up with such a directive, as if haunted by bad luck. They try hard to achieve their goal, but at the last moment some accident spoils. Or they can not find the energy to complete important work, and throw it in the middle.
7. "Do not do it." Means "Let me do it for you." Unlike the previous guidelines, these people are experiencing difficulty in starting a business. In life, it is shown that they are constantly delaying the start of business on the last minute, and as a result did not have time.
8. "Do not be a leader." In everyday life, this directive is expressed phrases "Keep it safe," "Should be modest," "What are you, more than anyone should?" The man with the installation avoids taking responsibility for others and always goes to the subordinates.
9. "Do not belong." Means "does not belong to anyone but me." In dealing with the child's parents emphasize its uniqueness, "you have me do not like the others", "you are the Clever." A person with such a setup in any group feels as though separately. Feeling of merging with a group unknown to him, and he begins to yearn for a family atmosphere that is second to none. As a result, it is difficult to integrate into any team.
10. "Trust" or "Do not be close." The meaning is similar to the previous directive, however, that there is a relationship with the group, and this - in a relationship with one person. Such people have difficulty in a relationship, not only with the opposite sex, but also in friendship, in business contacts. Parents have inspired them that you can not trust anyone, and they avoid close and trusting relationship.
11. "Do not be yourself." In everyday life it is expressed displeasure at the floor baby phrases such as: "Why did your friend can it, and you're not?", "You must be like ...", "All children are like children, and you ..." When parents complain child it can be concluded that it did not like. And would love if it changes. Adult man with such a directive is constantly dissatisfied with himself. It would seem that this is the path to self-improvement. However, even reaching for something and unchanged, that person immediately find a new reason for discontent. In addition, it is often tormented envy to others. These people live in a constant state of internal conflict.
12. The last directive - "Do not feel good." Probably all know people who are always complaining about health. Often this simulation - these people are used to, that the disease causes others more attention to them. But sometimes it is really bad, but they courageously continue to work. Of course, this in turn leads to further deterioration of health. Generated by the behavior of parents phrases, spoken by a child: "Though I have it and lean, but he washes the floor," "despite the temperature went to the control."
Unfortunately, noted the negative impact of our words are not always in our power to avoid it as unlikely. But reliance on directives is not fatal - many crises of growing up connected with getting rid of their parental rights. And if you know what to deal with - it's half the battle.
The child reacts to the words spoken to him, and their changes under the influence. And if they are repeated over and over again? By the time the little man grows up, the words spoken by us, will be woven into his worldview. Psychologists call such verbal formulas that affect the formation of man, parental directives. Directive - is an implicit order, addressed to the child. Fulfilling it, the child will feel good, but not performing - will experience a sense of guilt. And the reason for guilt, he can not even guess. Let's see what we teach our children in words.
. The first and most powerful directive - is "Do not live." In everyday life, it can be expressed by such phrases as: "I do not need a bad son," "my eyes are used to you not look", "Disappear", "I hope you failed." The implications of this directive - child suggestion of guilt, and it is not related to any specific actions, and with the fact of his birth and presence in this life. The child feels a hindrance to the mother's life and her eternal debtor. Many are the setting for life. This can lead to self-destruction of the unconscious: Frequent illness, injury, alcoholism and drug addiction.
2. The second directive - "Do not be a baby." It is expressed in words like: "It's time to grow up", "What are you like a little?" It is often said the older children in the family. Growing up, children who received the directive, have difficulty expressing their "childhood dreams", with all that is associated with spontaneity, play and creativity. It will be difficult to find a common language with their own children.
3. The third directive is opposite to the sense of the previous one. "Do not go up" - it is often said the only child in the family. Such a directive gives the mother, who fear that their child will grow up and leave the family. Having grown up with such a directive people feel guilty when they begin to manage their own lives. They can be difficult to start your own family, since they are primarily the children of their parents. They feel that they have no right to their own lives.
4. "Do not think." This directive is expressed in appeals to the child "does not try to be clever", "do not argue, and do what you're told," the grown children of the Directive and in fact turns out to be hard to think, to the point that the thought process can cause headaches. They prefer not to work out their opinions, and to follow someone else's someone else, stop trusting themselves ("How could I think such a thing?") Of course, such people can inspire anything to manipulate them for their own purposes.
5. "Do not feel" - This directive can be expressed with respect to both the senses and the sensations. Most often, parents are prohibited anger and fear. "Fear not, little dog will not bite." But the ban emotions themselves do not disappear, they just find another expression. For example, a child ceases to be afraid of dogs, but begins to fear the dark. If the prohibition applies to sensations, it looks something like this: "Put a sweater, freeze," even though the child declares that he is not cold. Gradually, the child ceases to trust your own feelings. Subsequently, it can be expressed, for example, overeating - because the signal that the person is full, he does not feel. This directive also prevents understand and express their feelings.
6. Sixth Directive - "Do not be successful." The child gets it when loving parents expressed disbelief in his ability. "You always spoil everything", "You still will not work." People who have grown up with such a directive, as if haunted by bad luck. They try hard to achieve their goal, but at the last moment some accident spoils. Or they can not find the energy to complete important work, and throw it in the middle.
7. "Do not do it." Means "Let me do it for you." Unlike the previous guidelines, these people are experiencing difficulty in starting a business. In life, it is shown that they are constantly delaying the start of business on the last minute, and as a result did not have time.
8. "Do not be a leader." In everyday life, this directive is expressed phrases "Keep it safe," "Should be modest," "What are you, more than anyone should?" The man with the installation avoids taking responsibility for others and always goes to the subordinates.
9. "Do not belong." Means "does not belong to anyone but me." In dealing with the child's parents emphasize its uniqueness, "you have me do not like the others", "you are the Clever." A person with such a setup in any group feels as though separately. Feeling of merging with a group unknown to him, and he begins to yearn for a family atmosphere that is second to none. As a result, it is difficult to integrate into any team.
10. "Trust" or "Do not be close." The meaning is similar to the previous directive, however, that there is a relationship with the group, and this - in a relationship with one person. Such people have difficulty in a relationship, not only with the opposite sex, but also in friendship, in business contacts. Parents have inspired them that you can not trust anyone, and they avoid close and trusting relationship.
11. "Do not be yourself." In everyday life it is expressed displeasure at the floor baby phrases such as: "Why did your friend can it, and you're not?", "You must be like ...", "All children are like children, and you ..." When parents complain child it can be concluded that it did not like. And would love if it changes. Adult man with such a directive is constantly dissatisfied with himself. It would seem that this is the path to self-improvement. However, even reaching for something and unchanged, that person immediately find a new reason for discontent. In addition, it is often tormented envy to others. These people live in a constant state of internal conflict.
12. The last directive - "Do not feel good." Probably all know people who are always complaining about health. Often this simulation - these people are used to, that the disease causes others more attention to them. But sometimes it is really bad, but they courageously continue to work. Of course, this in turn leads to further deterioration of health. Generated by the behavior of parents phrases, spoken by a child: "Though I have it and lean, but he washes the floor," "despite the temperature went to the control."
Unfortunately, noted the negative impact of our words are not always in our power to avoid it as unlikely. But reliance on directives is not fatal - many crises of growing up connected with getting rid of their parental rights. And if you know what to deal with - it's half the battle.